My friend Craig (and when I say “friend” I mean this guy I met once but am friends with on Facebook and I think he’s kind of cool so I call him my friend) posted this status on Facebook a couple of minutes ago:
Nothing like spilling a full latte all over your bags and your shorts and shirt right before heading to the airport.
Of course I had to giggle. Firstly because it is funny, but mostly because it is not nearly as bad as what happened to me when I was at the airport on my way home from Thailand.
As some of you know, I broke my knee while I was in Chiang Mai so I spent most of my holiday in Thailand in a wheelchair. For the most part I could hardly put my foot on the floor without howling in pain. Anyway, that was all fine because I managed just great until I was on my way home.
Now, as any international traveler knows, one of the more annoying things about traveling is the change of season issue. It might be blazing hot in Thailand when you leave, but by the time you get to Johannesburg airport you know you are going to die of cold. This is an inconvenience at the best of times but when you have a busted knee it is worse. There is no way in hell that you can use the teeny tiny little on-board toilet to change so I decided that I would get myself ready for winter about five minutes before I needed to board the plane. I popped into the ladies with my mom and happily entered the disabled stall where I would get dressed. I slipped on my skirt by hopping into it, and then sat down on the loo to put on my boots and stockings. Now please understand that sitting on an open loo while getting dressed was kind of par-for-the-course for me by then. My brother and I were sharing rooms so I was always getting dressed in the bathroom – on the loo! Well…. I got up and my whole bum was wet! It was one of those “Holy God that did not just happen” moments. For some reason this dumb toilet had water that reached halfway to the top. Damn you, unconventional toilet!
So of course I start cackling with laughter because there was absolutely nothing I could do. I fling the door open (forgetting momentarily that I am wearing a skirt, stockings, boots and a bra – top had not yet been found) and yell “Mom you won’t believe what just happened to me!” I show her my wet ass while a woman looks at me funny from the basin across the room.
She of course starts laughing too. We then decide that it’s fine because at least I will be sitting in a wheelchair and no one will notice, but I then realized that I would have to get up and hop down the aisle to my seat and then the captain and stewards would see my bum and think I’d had some sort of embarrassing accident on account of my being confined to a wheelchair. So I tied my jersey around my waist.
Of course it was only after I put my jersey back on that I remembered that it was now also soaked in toilet water and that I was literally walking around covered in diluted pee-water….