On finishing novels and postponing weddings…

I finished writing my first novel last week. And really I have this feeling that I should be shouting it from some sort of rooftop or at least streaking in the parking lot or something but I am very much struggling to find the words for any of it.

At the end of last year I found myself struggling to get The Poetry Project off the ground. Money issues of course. Among other things. I had hoped that three weeks locked up in a friend’s beach house reading novel after delicious novel would make a difference. Brain sabbatical. Or something. But January came and I was still tearing out my hair over The Poetry Project. *scream*sob*sulk*

So I put it aside. Because feeling despondent about the whole thing wasn’t doing it any good. Instead, I picked up my novel. Well, more accurately, i picked up both of my novels. I have two. Two from start to finish. And I thought, maybe, just maybe, if I could just finish one of them properly – properly enough to be ok with handing them over to someone else to read – maybe that would mean something. (more…)

How Do You Mend a Broken Heart

My heart is breaking. I can literally feel it softening into itself in my chest. And the overwhelming need to vomit doesn’t seem to be going away. Do you ever get that? Do you ever have those times where your emotional response to something is so powerful that it feels more physical than anything else? The uncontrollable shaking and that pure deadness that takes over and won’t allow you so much as the release you might find in crying.

My future mother-in-law disapproves of me. I swear too much for her taste, which, let’s face it, is a fair assessment. It has taken about four (possibly six) months to figure out exactly what I did to piss her off but there you have it.

The last couple of months have been something else. Which is not an excuse I know, but really, the shit we have been through has brought out the jaded cynic in me something terrible. Now while your therapy might be golfing or drinking, mine is writing and venting – whether that be in a blog post, or in poetry or in a novel I might be working on or on twitter and facebook. That’s just me. The ranter. The ranting makes me feel better. Now I’m not someone who is easy on herself. I wish I was. I wish I could just cut myself some slack somewhere along the line and go, “Nadine, anyone in your situation would be going crazy. So stop beating yourself up about it. And stop going mental on everyone.” But i don’t. So here I sit. Mental. And now also hating myself because my mother-in-law hates me. (more…)

Would you tell your best friend that her boyfriend is a douche canoe?

So I dragged the new man all the way to Fort Beaufort this weekend to show him off to my high school best friend and her husband. I seem to be doing this a bit lately which is a bit of a weird thing for me. I kind of have this uncontrollable desire to parade the man around going “ooh look what I found!” – which is certifiable and not normal behaviour. I certainly never felt this particularly un-humble need for shameless bragging before. (more…)

The Take-All Girl

I could start this post with “Men suck.” and just leave it at that and probably most would get it. Sometimes I even wish that I actually believed that. But think it’s not men that suck so much as it is people in general who suck – I just tend to notice the male suck variety more because I am a woman. And yes – I am quite aware that there is nothing profound about this rather redundant statement. I sure as hell did my fair share of acting like an asshole last night. (more…)