On finishing novels and postponing weddings…

I finished writing my first novel last week. And really I have this feeling that I should be shouting it from some sort of rooftop or at least streaking in the parking lot or something but I am very much struggling to find the words for any of it.

At the end of last year I found myself struggling to get The Poetry Project off the ground. Money issues of course. Among other things. I had hoped that three weeks locked up in a friend’s beach house reading novel after delicious novel would make a difference. Brain sabbatical. Or something. But January came and I was still tearing out my hair over The Poetry Project. *scream*sob*sulk*

So I put it aside. Because feeling despondent about the whole thing wasn’t doing it any good. Instead, I picked up my novel. Well, more accurately, i picked up both of my novels. I have two. Two from start to finish. And I thought, maybe, just maybe, if I could just finish one of them properly – properly enough to be ok with handing them over to someone else to read – maybe that would mean something.

And you know what? It does mean something. I didn’t think I was going to manage. I thought it would take longer than it did. But I finally realized that I had to let it go. I had to let it be done. It wasn’t going to be any better than it is. And funny enough I’m ok with that. It’s not the greatest novel ever written, and it’s not even close to being the greatest novel that I will ever write. But it is a start. It’s my start. And I dare to hope that this book will be the true start of my company. MY book. MY way.

I just have to hope and believe that I will get the support I need and from here I can move on to doing The Poetry Project justice.

Last night Ty and I officially decided to postpone our wedding for another year. Again there are many reasons for this (all of them with zeros attached to the m) and I won’t go into them here, but the thing is, as sad as I am about having to wait, finishing Coffee at Little Angels has kind of made me okay with all of it. Is that dumb?

Anyway, I’m almost ready to publish my first novel, and yes, I will be doing it myself. I just thought I should say that out loud a bit.

I hope I can count on the continued support of my family and friends. Many of you made it easier to get here. You have no idea!

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