Kristen Stewart pretended to scratch her balls and now I like her

Did anyone hear about the whole Bella cheating on Edward thing? You didn’t? Clearly you are either incredibly fortunate or you live under a rock (which in itself might also be considered fortunate). Anyway….the point is that the Twilight stars were dating in real life they have hit a speed wobble because the girl star cheated on the boy star with the director of another fairy tale movie…

Can I just speak for anyone with an IQ of over seventy and ask the media at large: What. The. Fuck? Are you not human beings? Are you gossip crazed cyborgs programmed to turn even the tiniest bit of non-news into some sort of salacious tale of dread and woe? I don’t give half a rat’s ass about those two but even I am sitting here going oh for heaven’s sake leave those poor kids alone!

I stopped reading magazines years ago. The “gossip rag” style of writing just doesn’t do it for me and every time I bother to flip through one of those typical trash-the-celebrities-for-having-cellulite magazines I cringe at the sad and superficial state of the world. Melodramatic? Hi, I’m Pot, you must be Kettle…

Unfortunately now that I live most of my life stuck behind my computer (seriously I have to change this…I either have to get rid of my internet or buy a typewriter or something) I  cannot avoid all the “OMG Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert whatsisface but thank goodness there was no sex involved.” HOW THE FUCK IS THIS ANYONE’S BUSINESS? And yet we’re still running around and interviewing Charlize Theron about how furious she is about the whole thing. I’m sorry, what? I can just imagine some gleeful little troll running back to master troll with the news that this particular relationship is on the rocks. It shall be on the cover! We will sell more magazines! We will make her pay!!!!!!!! *grrrrrrrr*

And it all seems like such a ridiculous thing….until you read the comments section after each new regurgitation of the same story with a vague twist on it….and then you go…”Ah….that’s why you sell so many magazines…the world truly is filled with ignorant thick-as-all-hell people who somehow get off on the downfall of those in the spotlight…”

It makes me sick.

Here is a youtube video of Kristen Stewart scratching her balls. See? She’s totally human too… I take it you forgot…



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