I have this thing where I tend to be either all in or all out when it comes to pretty much all the things. I have no middle ground. No balance. No chill. And I suffer quite a bit (okay like 100%) from a phenomenon called state dependency which adds to all that no chill and no balance stuff. Seriously. How do balancy people do this life thing anyway? Because I am failing so hard!
Some of you may have noticed that I’ve become a little travel and photography befok. This is sort of a midlife crisis I suppose. A nice one, though. It’s just that I suddenly woke up and realised that I don’t want to wait to do the things that I love anymore. And I actually for once and for real set about fixing that. During this process I came to acknowledge that while I will be busy being a mom for the next ten years at least, after that I’m going to pretty much be on my own with no career or idea of what to do to keep me busy.
And so I came to decide that while I educate my children, I should begin educating myself in a field that interests me: travel. Which will inevitably lead to taking more pictures and writing more stories. Three of my favourite things. Right there. Oh my god I am SO excited about my future for the first time ever!
So what’s the first thing I do after making this decision? I decide that I must go to a travel conference in Jerusalem in March. This I somehow need to finance on an unpredictable salary while still making sure my family doesn’t starve.
Of course I convinced myself that I must do this because it makes sense and I need to start somewhere and I need to take myself seriously and how am I ever going to break into the travel industry if I don’t take myself seriously enough to start somewhere and you know they keep saying that if you leap the net will appear and maybe if I clean out my house and sell some stuff I could make a bit of extra money and what about crowdfunding is it too obnoxious to crowdfund a trip when the trip is about learning more than it is about having fun and I really need to make this happen for both myself and my husband because one day we would like to be in the travel industry together because we really would like to be together all the time every day because oh my gosh we love each other so much but we really must get proactive about these things and we must stop talking and start doing and wow I really shouldn’t buy Tastic rice because house brand rice is cheaper and then I can save seventy cents and put it towards a trip to Israel which I really need to make a decision about because registration closes in September and really I must just take myself seriously now and go for it.
Has you brain gone mad? Yeah mine too…
And here is the dumbest part: I’m going to Zanzibar on the 26th of September. And before we hop on a plane to Zanzibar we are taking our children on a roadtrip to CLARENS! Friggen Clarens, you guys. It’s only one of the prettiest places in our country! This is all less than a month away! And I have been so buzzy preoccupied with the idea of doing something drastic in an attempt to start working towards my future, that I haven’t given a thought of joy towards my actual present.
This is a dumbshit thing to do.
So, for now I think it might be best to just veto the Jerusalem travel bloggers conference idea and instead start trying out selftans for the trip that is actually happening. Because this brain on fast-forward thing is just madness. And my legs are super glow-in-the-dark so let’s try this selftan thing.
Chill, Nadine. Chill.
As my friend Anje from Going Somewhere Slowly pointed out, there will be a conference for you to attend when you are ready for it, both mentally and financially.
And you know what? Sometimes letting go of the ropes for a little while is a good thing. It brings your happy face back. And that’s a good thing! As much as my mean old evil minion critical ear demon likes to tell me otherwise, it’s okay to be okay.
And I’m totally going to Zanzibar with my human next month!
PS: I’m aware the picture I used has absolutely nothing to do with this post but I look pretty in it and my husband is cute so I wanted to use it.