Ok so I told you about how some girls confessed to selling panties as a way to make money for travels the other day, right? And I can’t stop thinking about it because obviously who would even stop thinking about something so fascinating? This trope that we see on the telly from time to time is totally real. Who knew? (ok I did sort of know)
Of course I can’t remember where all I have seen this particular storyline….perhaps you can let me know in the comments?
Definitely once on Younger that chick who doesn’t look young tried to sell her panties and it all went wrong. That’s the whole point of the trope, right? To tell you how wrong it is to sell your previously worn and not yet laundered underwear to strangers…. Because karma, obvi. (this subject has turned me into someone who uses the word “obvi”)
So of course my thinking goes to what is the worst that could happen?
I obviously have to make a list of questions that I need to ask myself seriously before setting off on this potential business venture…
Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:
1.) Is there a chance that I could be plagued with visions of men sitting in corners while they deeply sniff my underwear? And because I have a so-far-undiagnosed-but-still-very-real anxiety disorder is it likely that I will have actual nightmares about this?
2.) What if someone sends them back and demands a refund? Will this harm my self-esteem?
3.) What if someone local orders all of them to be shipped to a PO Box and the curiousity sends me into a tailspin? Do I have the stamina to sit outside of a post office until they are collected? Will such knowledge ruin my life? I am still not over getting an anonymous Valentine’s card that one time when I was in high school.
4.) Would it be wrong to put clean underwear on the dog and then sell those?
5.) Where would the tail go though?
6.) Can you be arrested for selling dirty underwear that you pretended was yours but was actually the dog’s?
7.) What would the charge be?
8.) How does bail work?
9.) Can you use money earned from selling dirty panties to pay for your bail to get you out of jail for selling dirty panties?
And lastly but very most importantly….
10.) Is is possible to clone actual human beings from underwear DNA and are we sure that all these men who so readily buy used panties are not somehow involved in a dodgy cloning scam? And if they don’t know that it is dog DNA in the underwear sold to them by me is it possible that I might be contributing to a dog/human hybrid army that will eventually cause world peace because let’s face it dogs are so much nicer than people….
Actually in that case maybe I should sell my underwear.
Now I just need to find the dog…
PS: I sort of feel like maybe I need to clarify that I’m kidding about exploiting the dog before I get into trouble. It’s Friday. I don’t feel like trouble.