So I’ve been a bad blogger lately. Actually…I’ve been a bad everything lately. These jolly books of mine arrived on my doorstep and I feel like since then I have been in a bit of a coma. I still have a ton of thank you posts to write. Hopefully they will still happen!
Would you believe that one week spent in Molteno and I feel like somehow I am a new person? It’s crazy how little switches in your mind work that way. How can I possibly describe how special that place is. It’s a week later now and I still feel smiley and refreshed.
First of all, my darling friend Meggin insisted on throwing me a book launch. I did nothing! I simply arrived like the queen, signed some books and ate a bunch of snacks made by some of the church ladies. Madness! It was so wonderful. And it was so nice to have so much support from the people in the town I grew up in.
Something a bit strange happened to me after my book launch in Molteno: I think I stopped drinking. Now understand that I am not a heavy drinker or smoker. I smoke from time to time when I am out drinking with my friends (honestly? It makes the alcohol work better!) but I talk and joke about drinking more than I actually indulge in it. The drinking thing has always been a bit of a weird one for me. Most of my church friends (and there are a lot of them!) don’t drink. My mom and brother and sister don’t either. And I have personally never quite known how to feel about the alcohol thing. I like wine – and I think wine glasses are pretty so I like having wine glasses on my dinner table. I like tequila. I like gin and tonic. Savanas. Things like that. They taste nice. And cigarettes? Well, sometimes they just help to make you feel less awkward because at least you have something to do with your hands when you don’t know what else to do with yourself. But there I was after my book launch in Molteno – having a G&T on top of the two tequilas that seemed to have absolutely no effect at all (weird because I am seriously capable of getting drunk on one shooter!) when a girl from high school asked me if I smoked. I kind of just looked at her – because although the answer isn’t really “yes” it is also not entirely “no”. So she handed me a cigarette and I thought “ah what the hell”. But I mainly thought “what the hell” because I thought “If I don’t accept it that will be kind of disingenuous. Just like not drinking in Molteno because no one else – from church – is drinking would be disingenuous. And who would I be pretending for?”
Well, I lit the stupid cigarette, and then decided that I didn’t want it! Which was almost as weird as the G&T that I didn’t want but had because I had decided that not having a drink would be tantamount to being a liar. So then I didn’t know what to do. To suddenly go, “Oh I know I have eagerly accepted your gift of a fag but if you don’t mind I am now going to put it out because I have changed my mind about it” seemed a bit daft – and I was too shy to do so! Suddenly Terry brought my son to me. He had been sleeping on the couch and Terry had gone to him when he woke up crying. So I gratefully took my son and handed the cigarette back to the girl who gave it to me, claiming that I didn’t want my son around the smoke (which I didn’t!)
I then went back inside, I sat down and rocked my son back to sleep, and watched the others playing around and laughing with each other. And I couldn’t get away from one thought: You have just quit smoking and drinking.
And it seemed ridiculous! Just like that? Really? That was FAR too easy! So I left it. For a couple of days. I thought I might change my mind. In fact I was quite sure that I just needed to sniff a glass of wine and I would change my mind. But no. Glasses of wine were around. And I still didn’t want them.
I still DON’T want them.
I think I’m done and it feels pretty good.